Is It Ever Right To Threaten “revenge” When Fighting In A Relationship?

OK, I really don’t mean being physically abusive or anything like that as most would assume in this section. I’m talking about when we’re having one of those serious, climaxing fight (to the point we’re mad, frustrated, confused, raising voices)… My partner tends to do the “revenge” thing. Saying things like, “Ok, you know what, I’ll do the same thing as you did how would that feel for you?” Or, “so that you’ll finally learn and try…you’ll have to taste your own medicine.”
Or,
“don’t try to call me tomorrow, I’ll be busy and I’ll tell you why later” – this one is actually sarcasm. Because our fight was about me forgetting to take his call at a certain time and me not telling him ahead that something came up…and I only told him later why. You see my point?
I admit not sticking to little things like that is my flaw. I don’t like having to inform people little things like that (like, “hey il be busy, don’t wait up on me…. I might fall asleep at this time, etc.) because I inwardly think it’s pointless unless it’s an emergency. But I still truly did not want that to happen, so I did apologize and told him I didn’t do it on purpose… even if it did happen 3 times this week. I really didn’t do it on purpose. Either I fell asleep (because I was so tired all of a sudden, PMS attack), something came up with my nephew and I was rushing to get to an appointment.
Anyway, that kind of playing revenge game he plays is the one thing that really TICKS me off. It ticks me off to some unknown dimension, that I start gasping for air when telling him off about how he really wants this relationship to be vengeful, hurtful and a contest… when it SHOULDN’T be that way! I told him are we going to keep “revenging” each other forever as long as we fight in this relationship? Even when I tell him I get his point and will try not to do it again, he makes it out MORE than what it really is, even making accusations that’s unrelated to his original complaint.
For example, it’s like a person stealing bread, but charged with murder. That’s exactly how I feel when we fight. We could go on for months without fighting at all, but then after that we’d have the biggest fight of the decade. Just because I get busy sometimes and forget to take his calls doesn’t mean I no longer care (which he accuses me of). I told him how in the past I made huge sacrifices for him and can’t he appreciate that instead of putting me under a microscope waiting for me to make another mistake. You know what he said? “Great, so now it’s MY fault that I don’t appreciate you enough… SORRY”.. Of course, in a sarcastic manner. That wasn’t my f-cking point! You see??
It usually ends with me bawling my eyes out crying because he gets me wrong all the time. What do I make out of this? The way we DEAL is just so different and trust me we have actually talked about compromising and all that before..it worked for awhile…but when the actual BIG fights occur, it’s so difficult to get back to normal.